When you fly in to Ushuaia keep your eyes peeled for the beautiful Martial Mountain Range (part of he Andes) before Ushuaiayou descend through the billowing clouds that seem to always hang ominously over the city. I was surprised by the conflicting vistas I saw during my 15-minute taxi ride into town from the airport. The beautiful islands, mountains and waterways incongruously collide with a city that has been worn down by domestic immigration: only in the last 20 years has Ushuaia been a tourist hotspot and it is clear that the current inhabitants have done little to preserve the natural beauty of the land. Luckily, every inch of natural forest that is still intact is heavily protected and off limits to developers. Therefore, even though you’ll likely be sleeping within the city, it’s still easy to explore the incredible natural wonders that have escaped the footprint of man.

By starting your Magellanic expedition in Ushuaia, you can get a good grasp of the island’s unique flora and fauna by visiting the nearby Tierra del Fuego National Park. This is Argentina’s only national park with a coastline and while most of the preserve is restricted from visitors (for scientific purposes), you can still roam freely over a good portion of the land. One way to get there is by taking a 5-kilometer train ride run through raised sphagnum moss bogs and a sub-Antarctic forest via the Tren del Fin del Mundo (Train to the End of the World) — a train line built by Argentinean prisoners exiled to Ushuaia early last century.

While exploring Ushuaia, you can take a daytrip to the famed ranch, Estancia Harberton. About 85 kilometers east of the city, the ranch is located on a narrow peninsula overlooking the Beagle Channel. The farm was founded in 1886, making it the oldest of its kind in Tierra del Fuego and the main farmhouse is the oldest house on the Argentinean part of the island. The founder of Estancia Haberton was a local pioneer and British missionary named Thomas Bridges, who was given the land by the government in thanks for his work with the indigenous population. To reach the Estancia, you must go to the port of Ushuaia and take a boat tour. Once you arrive you can take a smaller boat to see a penguin colony and even spend some time walking amongst the little creatures.

Once you’ve visited the largest of the Magellanic islands, it’s time to dole out some cash and hop on either the Via or Mare Australis ships and embark on the sailing trip of a lifetime. Each of these ships hold about 300 people and trips can last from 4 to 8 days. The cruise begins in either Punta Arenas (in Chile) or in Ushuaia and for those of us who shiver in disgust at the idea of a cruise, don’t let this hold you back. This is not your average luxury cruise: these vessels are concerned more about utility than comfort. Magellanic Patagonia will come into a completely different perspective when it’s seen from the upper deck of a small cruise ship. From here you can truly contemplate the deeper meanings of the words and phrases “remote” or “the middle of nowhere”.

From Ushuaia out towards the Atlantic Ocean there is no human life on land: no electricity, no outposts, and no campfires. The cruise ship is too large to enter into the numerous fjords interspersed along the coastline, so passengers must dawn lifejackets and hop into little Zodiac boats that take you to the islands and inlets that you’d never be able to see otherwise.

Depending on which trip you choose, you can explore several destinations including but not limited to: Magdalena Island (with Magdalena Islandits population of over 120,000 penguins), Cape Horn (this trip is weather permitting given its notoriety as one of the world’s most inhospitable places to sail), and the Günter Plüschow Glacier where the deepest blues and whitest whites will shock your senses as you gaze out at your surroundings. One of the most popular stops is in Wulaia Bay, where the British Captain Fitz Roy (while on board the HMS Beagle) first encountered the Yámana aborigines in the 19th century.

It’s impossible not to leave here without a true understanding of why the Magellanic Islands are such a naturally forbidden habitat. Upon visiting this region for the first time, Darwin recounted in his diary, “Whilst beholding these savages, one asks, whence have they come? What could have tempted, or what change compelled a tribe of men, to leave the fine regions of the north, to travel down the Cordillera or backbone of America, to invent and build canoes, which are not used by the tribes of Chile, Peru, and Brazil, and then to enter on one of the most inhospitable countries within the limits of the globe?” I think I can come up with a few reasons.

Madi Lang

Original appeared at theexpeditioner.com

The bus system in Buenos Aires may seem like a labyrinth but with the help of a guide called the Guia T and with a few hints, any foreigner can conquer it and see the city from a completely new vantage point.

The primary tool needed by all colectivo riders, including locals, is the Guia T. This booklet comes in a convenient pocket size and contains the secrets of the hundreds of bus lines. It can be bought at most newspaper kiosks on the street for about three pesos. There are three main sections that, combined, help you find which bus to take, the exact street route, where to hop on, and changes in specific lines.

The first section is an alphabetical directory of all streets, divided into sections by the exact address on the street. Once you find the right street, follow the line of the correct address and it will have a page number and a grid combo, such as 14 1C. The next section is grid maps of the entire city. According to the previous example, you would go to page 14 and then find the quadrant 1 C. On each right hand page is the street map. On the left, there is a corresponding grid system that lists each bus that travels through each quadrant on the street map.

The next trick is to find a bus that matches both your destination and your departure location. Look around at nearby quadrants to find matches—it is not uncommon to walk a few blocks to the bus stop. To find out where to hop on and off, proceed to the next section, which is an index of the bus lines in numerical order. Each bus line is detailed and includes every street the bus runs on, allowing you to map out your route before getting on the bus.

Once you have found the right colectivo to take and where to get on, you have only won half the battle. To find the exact bus stop, go to the correct street and look for tall skinny poles or bus shelters that have numbers painted on them. The bus stops are orderly affairs where people form a line and stay organized, with occasional steps out into the street to peer into traffic with the hopes of sighting the oncoming bus.

When your bus number comes you’ve got to flag it down. Remember that the bus route numbers are on the front and side of the bus - the numbers on the back are not the route numbers! As the bus nears, try to make eye contact with the driver if at all possible. These are the most powerful men in Buenos Aires and they can blow by you if you don’t make your case for them to stop strong enough.

When the bus stops, wait your turn in line and as you approach the driver you have to say “un peso” and then put your peso coin in the ticket machine. Wait till your ticket prints out, then take a seat. Note: if you are traveling a very short distance (a few blocks) you can pay a lower fare of 90 centavos by informing the driver where you will get off the bus.

Whether paying a peso or 90 centavos, either way there is no change for peso coins so make sure you have monedas. At some of the bus depots such as Constitución or busy streets there are workers who will accept a two peso or 5 peso bill and give you change, but don’t bet on it. Keep a hold of your ticket, though 99% of the time you won’t need it, there is the occasional moment when someone boards the bus and checks the slips of paper. Also if the bus crashes, and you don’t have the ticket, you cannot claim insurance to the bus company, so it’s best to keep it.

The rule for choosing a seat on the colectivo has been clearly established: pregnant women and women with babies always have first priority as well as elderly people. If you are sitting near the front of the colectivo and any of the previously mentioned people get on the bus and you don’t get out of your seat, you will be committing a social faux pas.

After getting through the hard part of decoding the bus system, the best part of riding the colectivo in Buenos Aires is being swept up in the tide of humanity of the city. Many tourists, who only visit Palermo, Recoleta, and Microcentro and who only take the subway, miss out on the full experience of the city. Besides, by taking the bus, one comes across beautiful and surprising spots. It’s also a great way to get to know the neighborhoods of the city and to see them change as the stops go by.

Buses run frequently from around 7 a.m. well into the early hours of the morning. It’s not uncommon to jump on a bus around 1 a.m. and find it packed with people. However, no one should wait alone for a bus after 12 a.m. If it is late in the night, the best way to change locations while solo or in a small group is to call a remis or radio-taxi service. They are quick to respond and safer than the taxis you can pick up on the street. Read more about transportation options here.

Finally, if you get completely lost or confused about where to get on or off the bus, most folks on the bus or on the street, who are waiting near a stop will likely be able to help you out. Also, the beat cops that walk the neighborhoods are often a good resource.

Madi Lang

Original appeared at argentinastravel.com

Suddenly, a ray of sunlight pierces through the window and the taxi driver bats open his tired eyes. Without a moment of hesitation, like a bear awakening from his hibernation, he squints, smiles and unfolds into a full-body stretch. He revs the engine, dusts off the dashboard, and begins the first day of the rest of his life with a renewed energy and a refined sense of hope.

This is how spring arrives in Buenos Aires.

The Buenos Aires winter may not be as frigid as in many other countries, but the way the Porteños (the citizens of Buenos Aires) complain, one would think they were in the Arctic Circle. The “queja,” or the complaint, iBuenos Airess also a Buenos Aires hallmark. In winter, the queja is extreme, while the weather might not be — which also introduces the queja’s best friend: exaggeration.

While Porteños are busy hibernating and planning for the worst, deep inside they hold a shiny yet beat-up hope for the fateful day when, although it may still be cold, they can shake off the bitterness of winter and celebrate the holiday of Spring. Yes, that’s right, Argentineans celebrate a holiday aptly named “Day of Spring” which falls on September 21st. However, there is another important holiday that comes first — on the second Sunday of August — and kicks-off the initial recognition that Spring is coming: “El Dia del Niño,” or Child’s Day (to increase the national spending, a popular tactic in Argentina is to promote obscure holidays associated with gift-giving). On this day, the responsibility of giving falls on the godparent’s shoulders and gifts are expected, if not demanded.

Fortunately, by Argentinean law (one that is actually abided by), all employees must earn 13 months of salary a year; the extra month of cash given in two parts: one half in July, the other in January. For many people this bonus is a Buenos Airessign of Spring, and our friendly taxi driver, with his new lease on life, is no exception. He jumps into his car and goes to buy a new soccer ball for his godson or a relatively expensive, imported Barbie for his goddaughter. Blue-collar workers who have sucked it up all winter retreat to their happy napping spots on sunny plazas and eat their lunch, laughing with friends on a park bench. It’s springtime; things are good.

For the college-aged crowd (which covers ages 20 – 35 due to undergraduate college careers that commonly stretch seven to eight years), Spring is represented by a huge sigh of relief. Final exams are over, indoor concerts move outside, and students still stuck living at home can get respite from a nagging mother by heading out into the cool, Spring air.

In Argentina the cruel University system plants an entire month of studying and exams in the absolute coldest and most sweltering months of the year: December/January and July/August. Due to the free higher-education system as well as the abnormally long number of years Argentineans choose to stay within that system, at any given time a large chunk of the population is at some stage of schooling. So it’s not too surprising that these exams have a depressing effect on the
general mood of the population which, in turn, greatly increases the queja. (Some people would see this as a sign that Argentineans just don’t want to grow up, which is probably true on some level, but this is also what makes Buenos Aires city and its inhabitants so youthful and uncompromising.)

Buenos AiresOne key social group that cannot go without mention during the “holiday” season is the wealthy upper class. While the rest of the population generally resent them, the rich families show us foreigners how to appreciate winter and celebrate Spring Day in style. The “chetos,” or upper class, welcome the Spring by lowering the central heating in their mansions, pulling out their fancy cars, and moving their tennis matches to outdoor courts. This, following their return from ski vacations surrounded by some of the Earth’s most beautiful landscapes.

Having the ability to escape the gray winter in the city is one that very few citizens in Argentina can enjoy. However, those that do have that luxury tend to jet-set it over to such fashionable getaways as Bariloche or Mendoza where they hit the slopes by day and then spend the evening hours relaxing back at the lodge in their in-suite Jacuzzis.

All Porteños welcome September 21st, this is after all a national holiday — no school, no work. amilies get together and celebrate with an “asado,” or BBQ and quality time — but for the crowded niversity group, the plan is a little different. Dia de la Primavera also happens to be “Dia del Estudiante,” or Student’s Day. It is the first national holiday of the school year and certainly is taken advantage of. All of the bubbling anticipation of Spring erupts into one of Buenos Aires’ most reckless and hilarious parties of the year. Classmates spend this day partying hard in beautiful plazas, singing, getting drunk and beating the queja of winter out of one another.

Though Argentina’s many social classes and age groups tend to be focused on their own daily regimen, they all celebrate and welcome Spring with an energetic sense of progress and calm. For the taxi driver, the med student and the desperate housewife, Spring has arrived, the queja takes a temporary pause, and this fantastic city is alive again after an absolutely freezing, painful, bone-chilling, and of course, exaggerated winter.

Madi Lang

Original appeared at theexpeditioner.com

It’s all sun and fun until May rolls around, right? There are less and less of those long sunny “hot-child-in-the-city” days and the girls trade in their mini-skirts for tapered jeans. The locals get back to work and the tourists run for warmer pastures. Well, don’t run so fast dear travelers- Buenos Aires has much to offer during those chilly winter months.

So maybe you believe that winter is not the best season for a first-time short visit to Buenos Aires, but for ex-pats, back-packers and those on “sabbatical” it can be quite charming; warm snacks meet off-season prices to create a delicious equation for anyone with enough courage to stay or insufficient funds to travel elsewhere.

Here is a list of local treats that are invariably better when it’s cold out:

1. Coffee!

Having coffee in Buenos Aires is a long-standing tradition that is popular among all generations. While some travelers are more beer oriented, sitting down in one of BA’s million coffee houses is a much better way to experience the local lifestyle. Order a café con leche y dos medialunas, read a book (preferably one by Borges or Cortázar) and people-watch the day away.

Slip into “La Puerto Rico” café at Adolfo Alsina 416 (Downtown) on a cold winter day and take a seat in their warm dining room. This is a historical location in Downtown’s Monserrat neighborhood where the original revolutionaries met to discuss the country’s future during colonial times. The café is located by the infamous Colégio Nacional de Buenos Aires and was frequented by passionate students studying and debating politics.

TIP: Keep an eye out for people walking down the street with push-carts full of stainless steel thermoses. These saints are selling coffee (and usually facturas) for about $2 pesos or $0.50 cents. You can ask for you coffee exactly how you like it- and in my opinion, it’s the best cup around.

2. Shopping!

Who comes to buy leather in the summer? If you’re like me, you don’t think getting stuck in a pair of sweaty leather pants or arm-coverings on a hot summer day sounds like fun. Winter is the ideal season to buy leather in Buenos Aires- the prices go down due to fewer tourists (less demand) and nothing keeps your warm like a jacket made from a delicious Argentine vaca.

There are multiple trustworthy leather stores in Palermo (Villa Crespo) on Calle Murillo by the Malabia subte station. Las Pepas is a high-end girly leather shop that also has excellent quality in clothes and accessories. For a less trendy spot, visit the Feria de Mataderos where local and provincial artisans sell leather goods and other regional arts and crafts.

3. Chocolate con churros!

What’s better than a cafe on a chilly winter day? A traditional merienda option known as chocolate con churros. Pronounced, cha-co-la-tay, this hot chocolate is best taken with two or three (or 10) crunchy golden brown dulce-de-leche-filled tubes of pastry goodness pronounced “choo-RRos.” Practice the rolling R and then you will have earned this high calorie snack.

The best place for this warm treat is Confiteria Ideal on Suipacha 380 downtown. This beautiful old tearoom dates back to 1912 and takes you back in time with antique (original) stained glass, marble staircases and waiters in formalwear. Check out the schedule on their website to find out about their tango shows, classes and live music events.

4. Very cool festivals!

Four super important, educational and exciting festivals take place during winter in Buenos Aires: ArteBa, the International Human Rights Film Festival, Ciudad Emergente and the Festival Buenos Aires Tango and Mundial de Tango.

ArteBa 2009 takes place in late May at La Rural. La Sociedad Rural Argentina, or La Rural for short, is both a society and an exhibition center. The society was founded in 1866 under the motto, ‘To cultivate the soil is to serve the country.’ The original members were wealthy landowners who started the tradition of holding agricultural exhibitions in La Rural’s belle époque stadium.

This year will be ArteBa’s 18th annual contemporary art fair and is a great way to spend time indoors learning about Argentina’s hot art scene. Check out this video for a sneak peek.

The 10th annual Festival Internacional de Cine de Derechos Humanos, is a very important film festival focused on human rights. Taking place in June at the Centro Cultural Recoleta, this event aims to show social realities that allow for personal reflection on human rights issues.

Ciudad Emergente is a high-energy music festival, ideal for lovers of rock, indie pop and local beats. It may be cold in June, but there’s no better place to warm up during a wild week of concerts.

The best Tango shows of the year take place during this festival which in 2009 falls between the 14th and 31st of August. During the BA Tango Festival, followed by the World Tango Championship, visitors can take part in various classes, shows, fairs and finally an open-air milonga as a closing ceremony.

5. Guiso, locro, puchero! Oh my!

First, lets set the scene; the weather outside is frightful but inside you, your housemates and friends have congregated around a large witches brew. Looking inside the giant olla you spot veggies, meat, pork, beans, rice and pretty much anything that hadn’t already spoiled in the fridge. Guiso, locro and puchero are all names of traditional Argentine stews. Each differs slightly, for example guiso often has rice and lentils while locro generally has beans, which are not common in the Argentine diet. These delicious dishes are steaming hot and unimaginable during sweltering summer months. Dig in with a fresh baguette, have a glass of malbec on the side and don’t forget your manners, “Buen Provecho!”

Madi Lang

Buenos Aires will bring out the best and worst in you. The following is collection of favorite habits that one falls into naturally while living in Buenos Aires. Some are cool, some are kind of gross and all of them make life a little more ‘local,’ for a transplant from another culture.

1. Eating red meat every day.

In an RPS style match (Rock Paper Scissors) carne would beat everything. There is no match for the people’s love for carne in the food realm, and out of that realm this love’s only competition is for Maradona. In an RPS, if you throw a Maradona and I throw a carne, they would make love and we would both win.

When I ask my housemate Diego if he had to choose between Maradona and carne he said, “Maradona is God, and the people can’t live without God. And carne is the body of God.”

These are the types of answers and thought processes that you will hear from Porteños when faced with the risk of forgoing their prime source of nourishment or turning their back on their deity.

I remember in the Brady Bunch Movie when Mrs. Brady went to the butcher and when she asked for her normal fatty cut of meat, the look of horror on the face of the woman next in line. In the States “red meat” is a pejorative term and has the power to kill. In Argentina saying that carne is an assassin will earn you a cachetazo.

2. Applauding the chef.

When it comes to preparing an asado, the asador slaves away for at least 3 hours building the perfect fire, grooming each delicate coal and cooking the meat until ideal succulence is achieved. When he announces that the chorizo is ready everyone fills up their plate and takes a bite. The congregation moans with delight and without fail someone will say, “Un applauso para el chef!” Everyone puts down their food and claps as the asador revels in his well-appreciated masterpiece.

This tradition becomes second nature and when sitting down to a nice home-cooked meal, it only seems natural to proclaim, “Un applauso!” It’s a feel good moment for all.

3. Enjoying a quiet moment alone while washing the mugre off your feet.

One of the few perks of a Buenos Aires winter is that shoes and socks protect your feet from the mugre of the city. This silent assailant will attack any flip-flop adorned foot that dares to step out of impeccably clean environments such as the MALBA museum and most parts of the Recoleta neighborhood. Mugre hides under the uneven sidewalk obstacles, in the unfiltered car and bus fumes, and in the heavy dust that inevitably cakes this busy metropolis.

While lazier days and nights encourage the admiration of ones “foot tan,” those who enjoy hopping into bed with clean tootsies will start the bath and scrub away. I love those 5 minutes I spend sitting on the tub edge marveling first at all the mugre my busy day has accumulated and then at the cleanliness of my unoffending feet.

Those who live in BA and don’t do this and think its weird: If you have left the house today look at your feet.

Who’s laughing now?

4. Pronouncing English words with an Argentine accent.

Argentines have been exposed to first-world culture in a serious way. They love the Rolling Stones (de eroll-eng estons) and Bob Dylan (boeb dee lan). The have made these and other words their own and will not understand or associate with the words as pronounced properly in English.

To imagine their accent, look no farther than the movie Borat. One night while watching the movie with an Argentine friend, I look to him and say, “Whoa, I can barely understand him!” My friend looks at me rather surprised and says, “Rrree-lay? I cahn understand heem pearfectly.”

I live near the streets Monroe and O’Higgins. To give directions to my house I say, “Mon-ro-ay” with a rolled r and “O heens” with a throaty Yiddish “h”. There is a beautiful rose garden in Palermo with over 1,000 different species of roses. It’s called the Rosedal, pronounced “ro-sey-dal.” And the newest addition to this pronunciation party is Facebook. If you want to talk about Facebook, just saying “fae boo” will do.

Finally, you’ll know you’ve really integrated yourself into the culture when you introduce yourself, butchering your own name so that locals can understand and say it with some resemblance to it’s actual sound.

“Hola, soy Ma-Thee, un gusto.”
“Hi, I’m Madi, nice to meet you.”

Madi Lang

Buenos Aires is a strong red heart that thumps to the rhythm of tango. El tanguero serenades the people that stalk the city with a macho force that holds back at times only to sweep up-tempo again and release the flood. Emotions, tempers and love dance cheek to cheek without inhibitions and everything is guided with this same force.

Buenos Aires has had a tough childhood of screaming highs and profound lows. Blood has been splattered over the city since the Dirty War (and many times before) and this red sadness is carried on the shoulders of all citizens who had a child, friend or parent murdered by their own government.

This red passion is also the weapon used by hinchas of famous soccer clubs – whose true fans would take more than a bullet for just one sweet goal.

The rushing stream of blood and passion lead Porteños to live a life of pleasure – not knowing when the flaming politicos might confiscate their money. A live-for-the-day mentality meets tango tempered Porteños and explodes into a corporal euphoria evoking a culture of sex and instability.

Instability is a difficult state to alter – especially in one day- so the city focuses on sex and invites all who dare to join in. Be it in a tango hall rubbing up against a Latin lover, cruising at a state-of-the-art gym or spending a night at a transitorio, sex is about the easiest thing to get in Buenos Aires. No doubt that sex can cause even more instability – but that’s part of the dance.

Note: Transitorios are sex hotels that are 100% OK to go to if you have nowhere else to “make love”. Going to one does not make you or your “date” a slut. Plus they have room service.

Buenos Aires is not a very Pink city. The meat is cooked well done and sex is too intense to be represented by anything other than red. The girls are not legally blond. They are a little rough around the edges and prefer black nail polish to rosebud ruffles.

Pink is, however, the color of the main government building. The Casa Rosada, or Pink House, is where the President works and sometimes lives. The building, modeled after the White House in Washington, DC is famous as the stage of Evita Peron during her speeches and as the backdrop to the most important protesting ground in the country, Plaza de Mayo. This plaza has seen protests from every faction including las Madres de la Plaza de Mayo demanding information on their “disappeared” children and trade unions fighting for a living wage. Thankfully, this protesting area has not seen much red since the December 2001 riots in response to the corralito.

Thank God for the green. Buenos Aires is a big busy city that would be really ugly without all of the beautiful big trees, parks, plazas and road medians.
Green is not sexy, although the aforementioned places are especially popular for doing the dirty. Green cuts through the gray city like a bud sprouting from the dirt representing growth, space and an escape. The same thumping Porteños who can’t blow by you fast enough on the sidewalk can often be found taking a snooze or cigarette break under the glorious shade of one of the many trees that make this city habitable.

Ask any porteño what green means to them and you’ll get one answer “mate.” Mate is a traditional drink that involves putting yerba mate leaves in a carved out gourd. A silver bombilla is used to sip the hot water from the gourd. When more than 1 person is sharing mate there is one “server” who serves each person mate with hot water from a pava or thermos.

If you think you will find information about marijuana here you are really mistaken. Check out the section on brown.

Blue is like green. Blue is a happy color in Buenos Aires representing the giant sky that is thankfully clear most of the time.

If you are lucky enough to have a pool on your patio or apartment building, the blue water will be your savior during a sunny summer day.

Good ol violet.

Violet is always the new in-color of the season. It represents the less than stellar fashion options this great city offers. We jaded veterans who live in BA, but come from Washington, DC or Barcelona know that any store with purple clothing in the window should be avoided. The best place not to see violet clothing is in and around Plaza Serrano and Honduras street. These designers are young and hip and wouldn’t disgrace their fashion genius by offering the newest (lamest) in violet trends.

Violet is also the color of bruises and eye make-up after a long night in a transitorio. It might also be the color of the velvet sheets or the fake fish swimming in the tank above the headboard.

(highlight text below to see the white words)

White is a very important color in Buenos Aires. White are the “guardapolvos” or long coats that all young students are required to wear to school (no, these are not little doctors). This rule was put into place by Argentina’s 9th presidente Domingo Fausto Sarmiento, who did wonders for public education yet spilled lots of red in an unpopular war against Paraguay.

White is the color of rice and flour, which contributes heavily to Argentina’s cuisine. Favorite carb dishes include a soup called guiso, empanadas and facturas. Guiso is very popular in the winter and is a big stew with rice, meat and vegetables. Empanadas, also known as “the last resort” or the “ex-pat diet” are made with a white flour-based dough with delicious fillings.
Bakery pastries are called facturas and are perfect to pair and share with green yerba mate.

White also has a hold on the “longest avenue in the world” in the form of a phallic obelisk placed delicately in the midst of this busy freeway. It is a symbol of victory, a meeting place for national celebration and of course, sex. If you are in town in early December can see this statue decked out in a giant condom for World AIDS day.

Brown is a controversial color in this city. Porteños love brown things – meat, dogs, chocolate and coffee. Foreigners can’t get over the amount of brown shit on the sidewalks. Advice: none of these things are going away so you might as well surrender your shoes and dig in.

Oh, brown, glistening, succulent carne: The only thing Porteños might like more than sex. Meat is the most important food in Argentina. With a strong gaucho culture and a dose of soberbia, Porteños will not hesitate to inform you that their meat is godly.
Make your way to a house asado (BBQ) and order a little of everything: asado, lomo, chorizo, etc. Ojo with the morcilla, its blood sausage. That shouldn’t be brown- if it is its time to chuck it.
One of the most important browns in BA is dulce de leche. Porteños have a rebellious sweet tooth and dulce de leche is a decadent devil (Imagine Nutella but caramel and sweeter). This goo is often found in facturas or used as a spread on bread or crackers. In a less formal manner, dulce de leche will most likely be offered to you on a spoon that is headed for your mouth. Open up and enjoy.

Brown is unfortunately the color of marijuana once it reaches this colorful city. There are many rumors to why it is brown – the most popular and gross one is that Paraguayans relieve themselves on the goods to pass security at the border. Some prefer just to smoke it and not think about why it looks like mulch. The good news is that once users look beyond the brown they can take in the red passion and green relaxation. Ojo, while the government just passed a law granting citizens the right to grow their own little pot plant, there is nothing more ignorant than smoking your way through BA and not remembering any of it. Also, don’t smoke in public. As foreigners, we’ve got to remember we are representing our country and we must have respect for our new home.

Black represents cool emo kids and all of the people who work in “negro” meaning under the table. Emo has hit Buenos Aires like hipsters hit Brooklyn and there are a lot of followers. Unfortunately, there are a lot of followers who have given in to working in negro. Most of the jobs are in negro because managers don’t want to pay taxes, benefits or a good salary. Those who work in negro do not have access to civil rights such as the right to unionize and take maternity leave.

Black is also the color of most people’s lungs. While the rest of the world has gotten the memo, Porteños will need more convincing. Smoking cigarettes is not looked down upon yet and very few people will have the balls to tell you to stop.

Madi Lang

Original appeared at landingpadba.com

Madrugada : (n) The very dark hours before sunrise (amanecer).
Obra social : (n) Health insurance plan (also, Plan de Salud).
Cartilla: (n) Directory of doctors and offices of attention in each neighborhood.

It was around 4 o’clock in the madrugada on a warm night last fall when it hit me that emergencies happen when your parents aren’t around to help, also known as “Oh no, I’m an adult.” My best friend, who had been madrugando with friends on the terrace crept into my room and began to search through the piles of clothes on the floor. This would have been a normal event however I heard moaning noises and squinted (without my glasses on) to see that she was bent over clutching her stomach.

“Jana, que te pasa?” I said, asking what was going on.
She responded, “Nada, nada me voy al hospital pero vos te quedás acá.” Nothing, nothing, I’m going to the hospital but you stay here.

Never one to complain or to even acknowledge pain, I knew she was in bad shape and insisted on going with her. I remembered she had been feeling a pain in her abdomen, but finding a doctor was difficult because she didn’t have local health insurance and one visit would cost $100 pesos.

Fervently refusing to call a taxi, I supported her as she limped to the nearest hospital, which luckily happened to be just 3 blocks away.

Just as the sun was breaking through the sky we entered the neighborhood municipal hospital that (from the outside) looked like a grand train station. What happened once we cleared “security” was more than a little disenchanting. The halls looked like those of a middle school; there were no seats anywhere and many little rooms that looked like cells in a detention center. We found the reception area and although my friend was crying in pain the nurse simply gave us confusing directions of where to go and pay. After we paid the $20 pesos fee we had to walk to another wing of the hospital and wait. It would have been nice had they offered a wheelchair considering at this point my friend was practically crawling on the floor. We found the waiting room we were destined for after 15 minutes of searching and crawling and gave the information we had filled out to the angry woman at the desk. She would call Jana’s name when the doctor could see her.

We waited 2 hours as the waiting room filled and emptied with sick people. Even though I had asked many times what the deal was, the receptionist ignored us. Finally when I explained to her that we had been waiting 2 hours, she said “oops” and let us see the doctor.

The rest of the visit continued in this manner, the doctor telling my friend she didn’t know what was wrong but that she’d need surgery and couldn’t leave the country for months. Jana was due to go home to Germany in 2 weeks. Having never had surgery before and only being 19, Jana was panicked. We asked for the doctor to stop talking and just tell us the best private hospital to go to.

The Hospital Alemán was a mere 20-minute taxi ride to Barrio Norte. The two best hospitals, Hospital Alemán (German) and Swiss Medical Center are in the north of the city, and a world apart. As soon as we entered the Hospital Alemán my friend was whisked away by nurses and doctors. Instead of having to roam the hospital looking for where to pay and where to sign papers, she was given an emergency room bed. The papers were brought to her and I was told how to manage the payment for her. Although she ended up not needing surgery, she had pancreatitis and had to stay in the hospital for a week. Just having had “Libertad” tattooed below her belly button, Jana was distraught but they allowed me to stay overnight for just $100 pesos. The attention was spectacular, slow as usual, but they found German-speaking doctors to come and explain the process and helped Jana contact her parents, the airline and her German insurance company. She survived by flirting with the construction men that we could spot through the wide windows in her private room.

The moral of this story is 2-fold: Educate yourself on what to do in case of illness while in Buenos Aires and while you’re at it get some cheap local health insurance called obra social . These plans have a monthly fee and generally allow you to visit any type of doctor and buy prescription medicine at little or no cost. Note, don’t just try to find the cheapest obra social as the prices fluctuate to bring in new clients and can increase without notice.

Buenos Aires has excellent doctors that are only a taxi ride away. Always keep a copy of your passport or ID on you and be aware of where the nearest private hospital is. As noted before, the two best “First World” hospitals are the Hospital Alemán and Swiss Medical Group. These hospitals also happen to have the best health insurance programs and patient care.

Hospital Alemán is located in Barrio Norte at Pueyrredón 1640, just a few blocks from the Pueyrredón subway station. For over 140 years, this hospital has been treating locals and foreigners with a team of internationally trained doctors. Their facilities look like those in the US or Europe and the staff makes you feel safe. Most doctors speak English and many speak other languages including Portuguese, German, Italian and French. The facilities are clean and the nurses are careful and gentle. The food is not half-bad and they allow one guest to stay overnight and have various visiting hours. In grand Buenos Aires style there is even a beautiful courtyard in the middle of the building to take a stroll with intravenous tubes sticking out of your arm.

Swiss Medical Center is the chosen hospital of the elite in Buenos Aires and like the Hospital Alemán, has excellent facilities that will remind you of those in the US or Europe. There are centers in Barrio Norte, on the border of Palermo, at Av. Pueyrredón 1441 (This hospital is also across the street from the Pueyrredón subway station) and downtown at Av. 25 de Mayo. Considering that the Swiss and Alemán are both large hospitals, there are occasions when patients will have to walk a few blocks to see specialists but in cases of emergency no walking will need to be done and patients will be attended to on the spot.

In terms of health insurance, cough up the extra $300 pesos a month and go to the dentist, gynecologist and general practitioner for free. You will receive a bill in the mail once a month that can be paid by credit card, bank transfer or at Rapi Pago or Pago Facil (Bill paying programs found at kiosks and chain grocery stores such as Disco and Carrefour). Each hospital has many plans that differ in cost and services. There are many locations in the city where you can go to meet with someone who will explain each plan and help you decide which to choose. These locations are called surcursales and can be found on the hospital’s website. With these programs you will receive a cartilla from which you can contact any specialist yourself to arrange appointments. Most visits are free and unlimited with the exception of a few such as therapists and psychiatrists, which come with small co-pay. Ladies take note that you can get birth control for about $15 pesos Argentinos a month, about $4.50 USD.

Hospital Alemán’s health insurance program, or obra social, currently costs between $235 - $343 pesos Argentinos. Swiss Medical’s health insurance program currently costs between $200 - $260 pesos Argentinos. Both organizations offer various prices and packages depending on age (the previous costs are for a 24-year old) and include:

- Complete cartilla in hard copy and online to find doctors and offices of attention
- 40% discount on prescription medications at various pharmacies
- House calls by doctors for a small additional fee
- Free medical studies, consultations, dentistry and orthodontics
- Small co-pay to see a therapist
- 24-hour emergency hotline and ambulance service

Other reliable hospitals with obra sociales include Hospital Italiano located in Almagro by the Medrano subway station and Hospital Britanico located downtown by Avenida Santa Fe and 9 de Julio.

Madi Lang

Original appeared at landingpadba.com

with café you can’t really go wrong, but you should definitely know if you are ordering a N.Y. Strip or grilled intestines, or as I like to call them, “Raviolis a la the cow’s last supper.”

For Porteños, tomando un café (having a coffee) alone or with friends is as traditional as the siesta of Spain. It is a time to gossip, build relationships and eat croissants called medialunas (half-moons). Most of the coffee in Buenos Aires comes from Brazil and until the recent addition of Starbucks to the city, iced-coffee and teas were unheard of.

There is nothing more sacred in Argentina than the asado . This is a traditional weekend outdoor grilling event where impatient Porteños will easily wait around for hours as the asador prepares the feast. The asador is generally the man of the house and will receive a hearty applause from the group once the food is ready. Here are the juicy details on ordering meat in Argentina:

When ordering steak, these are your temperature options:

You may have noticed that when ordering coffee I suggested saying, “I would like…” and in contrast when ordering meat I suggest, “I want…” The reasoning behind this is that coffee is usually ordered at a sit-down café where a waiter will take your order and politeness is key. However, when it comes to meat, unless you are in a fancy restaurant, the asadors are more like short-order cooks and just want to hear the key words. Always be polite, but don’t try to impress an asador with proper pronouns or complicated ordering jargon. Be cool.

Warning: Porteños often have advice for you as to what you should eat and you may not have the chance to decide for yourself. Ask any foreigner who has been here long enough to experience the asado and they will surely have a story of how they were kindly pressured into trying (eating a whole) blood sausage. Welcome to initiation, I suggest you grin, chew quickly and have a glass of wine nearby to wash it down.

Madi Lang

Original appeared at landingpadba.com

or

Boluda: (n) moron, slow witted individual
taller: (n) workshop, car garage or artistic

Meet Annie Ofew. She recently graduated from U. Michigan and came to Buenos Aires to learn Spanish and live la vida loca. Annie spends a few months partying in Palermo, taking the obligatory Spanish language classes and doing some sightseeing- looks like she’s done here. The only exception is that she happens to have fallen in love with Buenos Aires- she’s not ready to go. Her inner monologue goes something like this:

Mini floating devil: Annie, you are jobless and homeless in the US, stay in Buenos Aires!

Mini floating angel: Annie, you’re broke. Go home and get a job.

Mini floating devil: Boluda! There are no jobs there!

Mini floating angel: But your parents miss you and your college boyfriend is waiting for you to return!

Mini floating devil: Your parents have secretly moved to a one-bedroom condo in Florida and last night at Rumi you gave your number to seven different guys.

Mini floating angel: But what on Earth will you do all day in Buenos Aires? What kind of life can you lead?

Mini floating devil: Oh angelito, Buenos Aires is built and maintained by people whose first priority is living well and second priority is work and progress. Let the Porteños show our sweet Annie how it’s done.

Porteños have mastered the art of filling their days with sun, fun and social interactions under the clever guise of work, study and their much-needed rest. In contrast to the United States or Europe where work and study is neither sunny nor funny, Buenos Aires provides many opportunities for us foreigners to experience this daily balance of accomplishment and enjoyment.

Note: For Annie Ofew, it is very easy to sit in your house or nearby plaza and do nothing all day. You can do that for about two months before you realize you are broke, have gained 20 lbs and miss your mommy. You will not find the aforementioned balance this way. Refer to the following information and take advantage of what this big city has to offer.

Below are options for Annie Ofew; living in Buenos Aires, not looking for a full-time job or university degree but still wanting to live a reasonably productive life while slowly chipping away at that big bank account of bar mitzvah money back home. These selected options fall into 2 categories; clowns and cultural centers

Clown

Clown is the local name of the profession of circus-try and represents the opportunity for Annie Ofew to take classes and become skilled in any one of the following areas: acrobatics, street performance, juggling, make-up artistry, costume design and murga.
One of the things that makes Buenos Aires so appealing is that the majority of the young people you meet are either artists, musicians, clowns or some other profession where you don’t have to wake up at 7 am and the only rule is ‘be creative.’ It’s a miracle that these people can live on whatever they earn, but they do, and you can too!

The first step to get involved in clown is to take a class. There are talleres in every neighborhood in Buenos Aires and you can find them online or simply by keeping an eye out for signs. Ads for clown classes are posted all over building walls and bus stop poles around town- don’t be afraid- call that number and go check it out.

Acrobatics! For those hailing from the Maryland/ DC area, this is a Marva-Tots dream!
From sailing through the air on trapezes to climbing and dangling from beautiful ropes, acrobatics is good for your mind and body. These activities help integrate thinking and doing while giving your muscles a good work out.

Street performance includes impromptu acting and general ‘clowning around’ in public. Those in Buenos Aires may have noticed dirty hippies juggling at big intersections and then passing through the cars with a hat to collect tips. These are not bums! These are clown students out on assignment for their class. (Don’t confuse these with the real hippie bums who have wet themselves and want to wash your windshield.)

Make-up artistry and costume design are great ways to get involved in clown while having your parents think you are in the fashion industry. In addition to clown classes, there are also many classes for special effects design. Check out www.studiofx.com.ar for information on how to study special effects with the pros.

Murga, the last but not very least of the clown arena, can be thought of as clown as a team sport. If you have been hearing loud drumming from your window at the same time each week, you have probably been listening to a murga practice. Murga is a form of musical theater involving a chorus of dancers and a group of 3-6 drummers. There are special murga dances (not difficult to learn) that are performed to the beat of the drums. All murgas have their own specific costume, which invariable includes sequins, bright satins, bells, whistles and the kitchen sink. The drumming is very exciting and generally includes a redoblante (snare drum), bombo (a shallow bass drum played horizontally and worn at the waist) and platillos (clash cymbals).

The best part about clown is that everyone at home will think you are ridiculous, but you are the one having all the fun and learning outside the box.

Cultural Centers

Cultural centers connect Porteños to the art, music, education and creative thinking that breathe life and soul into Buenos Aires. Each neighborhood has it’s own centro cultural and most offer history and information concerning the area as well as classes open to the public. Many classes are free or have a very low fee and include activities such as folklore dancing, tango dancing, massage, painting, English language acquisition and miscellaneous lectures.

There are also many cultural centers bearing the name of a famous historical figure such as Centro Cultural Borges located downtown or Espacio Cultural Carlos Gardel located in Chacarita. These centers pay homage to their namesakes in the form of theater and arts classes as well as special performances.

Those living in Recoleta should stop by the Centro Cultural Recoleta located by the Recoleta cemetery. This center always has excellent art exhibits as well as art classes open to the community.

Centro Cultural Ricardo Rojas, located near Abasto, is part of the excellent (and free!) University of Buenos Aires. This center has a huge listing of classes, both cultural and vocational, taught by PhD’s from the UBA. Cultural courses fall under the following categories: fine arts, art and architecture, circo (clown), dance, science and humanities, film, photography, music, theater, design, languages, literature and communication. Vocational courses fall under these categories: education, therapy, psychology, information sciences, communication, foreign languages, administration, small businesses, home repair, design and tourism. The courses cost about $10 - $90 USD per semester. Do more research at www.rojas.uba.ar.

Now, between running off to the circus and taking a course in 20th Century Latin American art, Annie Ofew should be feeling pretty good right about now. These ideas offer a great way to meet local people, pick up new skills and feel great about living in Buenos Aires.

Madi Lang

Original appeared at landingpadba.com